How many times have you had sex in the past week? Past month? Dare I ask… past year?? We are a species of animalistic behavior, but are also driven by emotion. If you find that you and your partner are not having as much sex as you once did, try not to be too hard on yourself- there are many explanations for this and it’s quite NORMAL. Do you find yourself asking silly questions like “doesn’t he find me sexy anymore” or “don’t men always want sex” or even worse… “is he cheating on me?” So many variables come into play when dealing with a sexual relationship, especially if it coincides with a partnership that is both loving and respectful.
Human beings are the supreme race of all mammals due to the fact that we have a conscious mind and are not driven merely on instinct. Of course, as women, we often compare men to animals such as pigs or dogs, but the bottom line is: men have emotions too (even if they are not good at expressing them). Women often claim that men have a stronger sex drive but this is not always the case either; the roles are often reversed. While Planned Parenthood says that the sexual prime for males is around age 17, and that females’ sexual prime is around age 30, these ages actually reflect the genital prime, when sex hormones (testosterone in men; estrogen in women) are highest. But in general, both men’s and women’s sexual performance will peak when they feel most comfortable with themselves and their sexuality; women tend to find this after 30 or even 40 yrs old. Whether or not you are experiencing your sexual prime is quite irrelevant… it is the emotions involved that affects both partners, not just females!
When dealing with emotional sates, the most common factor of an inactive sexlife is STRESS! Men can get overwhelmed with stress and it will “shut down” their sex drive so to speak. Have the days become busier? Has work become a major focus in his life right? Are there any financial problems within the relationship? Has anything traumatic (like death or accident) happened within your family or circle of friends?
A good way to remedy the stress factor is to relax the mind and body to “prep” the mood. Start with a nice massage (if played correctly, you will get one in return!). The deep pressure on the muscles force him to breathe deep which, in return, helps relax his mind. Get the blood moving and I promise he will not resist, no matter what kind of stress he may be facing.
Fatigue is another common factor of a low sex-drive. If you are feeling too tired to have intercourse, start working out to build stamina. The more you work out, the more endorphines and saratonin are produced within the body(these are the “feel-good” hormones). Just 30minutes a day of cardio or weight training can make a huge difference in your energy levels. Your playful rounds with your partner will start to seem less “laborous” and will probably last a little longer as well. But be sure to stretch, of course to prevent injury, but also the increased flexibility can help out in the bedroom as well!
Lastly, there is a certain level of respect that grows with love. Although respect will not lessen the “amount” of sex, it may lessen the “excitement” of it (which in return will affect the frequency). Once a relationship becomes committed, sex can transform into sweet, sincere and comfortable intercourse rather than the rigorous, hard and lustful version you once shared. He may respect and love you so much that he doesn’t envision you as that “naughty” girl anymore. If you are feeling “frisky”, show him! Remind him that there is still a spicy and burning woman inside that loving girlfriend or wife of his! May I suggest a strip tease, burleque (make some tassles!) or role playing (use costumes!)?. Surprise him one night. Be in costume when he arrives home. Take his tie off for him with a little background music… not only will the element of surprise thrill him, but you will also find a new confidence in yourself as well. He may see you in a new light and next time around, he is the one surprising you with a “nooner” (just like old times)!
All and all, men and women are equally sexual creatures. If the flame has diminished, just spark it up again. There are all types of scented oils, enhancers, toys, costumes, and accessories to spicen things up (shop online if you’re too embarrassed to go into a specialty store). And DON’T wait for him, he may be side tracked– YOU take charge and get it on!
